I'm more afraid of Life than Death

This realization came to me - maybe yesterday?

My life is such a mess in so many aspects, and then I thought, so many people speak of being afraid of death. I'm not afraid of death; I'm afraid of Life!

Don't get me wrong - I don't want to die. My family is the most important thing to me and to leave my children without a mother, my husband without a wife, or my parents without a daughter - No! But death seems like peace to me, for my beliefs tell me I chose this path for some reason and only in death will I completely understand WHY I would choose such a life!
I guess I just want answers.

Death means returning to a different aspect and not dealing with humans that have caused havoc in my life. No one other than my husband probably knows completely what we have had to deal with in this life, and what we continue to live. It is very scary out there in the world today! We have been bombarded with evil and negativity from so many people. Yet we always are there for others - we try to help everyone and be kind to people - so then why do people always hurt us? It just doesn't make sense. We seem to be a magnet for negative people meaning those who cheat, steal and lie, Why?

So, that is why Life is definitely more scary than Death!